My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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