So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
