Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
