I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
