im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
