He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
