sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
