So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
