The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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