I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
