so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
