i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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