Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
