i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
