is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
