I'm going to jail i love you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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