There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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