i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My nipple is on Facebook.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
