I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
