you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
