shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
