walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
