You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
