i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize