I want to have your abortion
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
