I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
