Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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