I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
