Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
