a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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