You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
