I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think i have herpe
just one?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
