i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
