Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
