Porn is love you can see.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
