this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
