if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
