Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
