normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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