Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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