Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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