And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
