seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
