she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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