Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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