Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize