My room smells like vodka and shame
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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