I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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