I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
