dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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