Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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