You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
