ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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