Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
