Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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