dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
