Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
