I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
