Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
