and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
