She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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