Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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