Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
