Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
