I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
