sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
