a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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