did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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