Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
