what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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