I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
