U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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