We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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