Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
