Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
COCAINE IS GR8
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