You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
