If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize