Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
