Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you have to choose: penises or morals?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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