and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i think my cat just said my name.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
