do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
