sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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