a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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