i was born a porn star she said
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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