I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
