Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it hurts more in the daytime
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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