The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
