I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize