Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My hand turned me down
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
