I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
