we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
