Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am midnight drunk by noon
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
