fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
