thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm like, not good at living.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
