I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
