Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
