Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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