sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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