can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
