Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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