if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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