I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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