I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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