I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
try to milk me bitch
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
