I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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