so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize