Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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