What tipped you off? The sombrero?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize