4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
