Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
