Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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