i would punch a child for taco bell
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
