you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
