Small penises have feelings too.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
