remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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