Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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