Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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