i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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