i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
