that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So squirting runs in the family.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
