Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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