just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
