Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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