I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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