Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
