My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
