Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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