you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
