How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
