youre lurking in front of me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
