I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
