I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
